I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Blood and glitter go together right?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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