You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
