Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
