You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
