we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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