Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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