I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
