She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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