I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
