so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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