I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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