The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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