I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
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