remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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