would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
