He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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