I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
