i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
