I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I just pynch a tree in the face
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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