she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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