he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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