What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Say something about gay babies.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
