Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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