i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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