laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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