WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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