Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
