no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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