My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
