i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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