So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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