remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
