The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
