Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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