It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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