ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
