Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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