i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
