I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
