No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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