I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
