I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
pop tarts are not kleenex
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize