I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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