Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
