My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
