it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
