he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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