So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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