hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
