Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
