im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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