I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
