Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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