Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
