3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
