we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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