watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
