i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Randomize
