I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize