just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
