he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
My penis needs a shock collar
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
