I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize