9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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