I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
