Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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