stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize