Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
