Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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