you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Is it because I queefed?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
