there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
