i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
