youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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