Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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